Friday, July 6, 2012

Just a little update on how I'm doing

the biggest thing I have to put in is that I've finally moved out of my parents' house and are on my own. Well sort of. I'm renting a room from lesbian who is totally cool. She don't expect much of me in a way of doing household chores. I do help out just cause it out of respect. She's willing to respect me as by letting me be me.

Saturday, February 4, 2012

This is a New Year and I'm More Determined

Sorry for not posting in a while, life has gotten away from me again as I feel into another depression state.

Well like my title says, it is a new year and I'm determined to get my physical transition started. I'm looking for a second job to help get me more of the green paper I need to get stuff. As it stands I'm only making about $800 month and I want to get out of my parents place.

Now I think its time I started to talk about my past suicide attempts. Lets just say that luckily I didn't need medical attention for these attempts. I was just not smart enough to now how much of my moms pain pills I need to take to make my poor life disappear. I count them as suicide attempts cause of the attention of wanting to die I felt back then. The first attempt was when I was in 5th grade and all of my guy friend were starting to make fun of me for being girly. They all back out from being my friends in public but in private they thought we were friends. Funny how that goes. My second attempt was when I was in Sophomore year of High School when a bunch of guys follow me to the restroom and pissed right next to the stall I was in. You see, I always sat to pee. I hated to stand. It just never felt right. I would have never notice if the guys didn't come quietly and all of the sudden started to laugh they're head off. Later that same day I over heard someone point at me and say to her friend, "Hey its that piss faggot." I've never felt so low in my life as I did that day.

Lets just end it there. I don't want to remember anymore of that. Moving to how I have came out to my friends and family. First are my friends. For most of them it was just find at time that was just the two of us and talk to them. These friends are on the I'm ok with it list but not really support of it. Now for my best friend. He actually did the coming out process for me. When I was just about to tell him, he told me he knew and always knew. I must have had the biggest smile on my face then. He also told me that if I wound up in a situation during or after my transition that he would always be there for me. My family is next. The first person I came out is my grandmother. She was the key that started my on this journey. She told me my parent will accept me sooner or later and will not under any situation disown me or anything. It will just take awhile for them to come around. My parents were next and it happen just as my grandmother told me. It has been two years and my mother can talk to me about it. My father on the other hand still gets mad at himself more than at me. He believes it was because he wasn't there when I was growing up and still keep on telling him that I had these feelings all of my life. Now that I'm old enough to understand and (for the most part) over with what went on in my teenage years, that it is now time I become me one the outside. Third was my siblings. My older Sister got the news from my mother and Sister wasn't all that surprised. She is the most supportive family member I have. For my brother, we don't talk about it much. We both know he is supportive of it in his own way.

that is all I have to say for this post. See you next time.