Monday, March 14, 2011

Vacation Happenings and My Past Part One (Childhold)

The weekend vacation went very well. Bonnie drove very smoothly and the trip took a little less than an half tank there and back. My friend told me, he really appreciated that I went with him. Especially when one of the animals at his sister's place was being a pain in the ass. He got very mad. I've never seen him so made in all of the years I've seen him. I actually got a little scared from him and I don't get scared from people I'm close to. To make sure he won't do something he would regret latter, I put my calm face and help him to calm down. Besides that, the house sitting was pretty uneventful. My friend got me to really want a game. It's called Just Cause 2. The basic of the game is cause a civil riot in some third world country. It look very fun to play.

 Enough about my vacation I haven't talked about me and my past at all (except for my into.)

Lets see. I started to notice something different about me when I was 6 years old. I could articulate this feeling, It was a sense of different. Living in a small conservative town, I didn't have any information about what this feeling meant. By the time I turned 10, I was borrowing my older sister's cloths. It just felt right that I should be allowed to wear these cloths but after my mom caught me, I hid this obsession. For the next twelve years, this "crossdressing" was a secret I kept to myself Some time after my sixteen birthday, I was watching the discovery channel and a show( I forget what the title of the show was) was on that hit me really hard. I was about a this teen boy around my age that was feeling things I felt every single day. He was depressed all of the time due to being bullied at school for just being himself. latter on in the show, I found out he really wanted to be girl. He dressed in secret, acted a fem. manner and wasn't gay. Just  like me. So I started doing research about what transsexual meant. The farther I was researching, the more I started to understand this feeling of difference I've had all of my life. I stopped the research when my dad found out what was doing on the internet. So sometime my Seventeenth year of life, My dad asked me the question, Do want to be girl? I was so shocked and afraid that he might not love me anymore I said no and stayed in the closet till I was 22 years old.

The next post will be on my two suicide attempts and how I've come out to friends and family.

Now here is a picture of Bonnie

Friday, March 4, 2011

It's Time For A New Post

Wow! I've almost have forgotten about this blog. I was cleaning my bookmarks when I saw this blog. 6 long months sense my last post. Lets see whats had happened in those months shall we? I've given up trying to change my job for the better, I've gotten rid of the car with the tranny problem and got a soo much better car, and have decided to be androgynous in the way I dress every day.

 My new car is soo much more better than that intrepid. It's a 99 Pontiac Bonneville. I'm soo much in love with her. I'm going to call her Bonnie. Her head lights come on automatically when I start the car and they stay on if its getting dark outside. The dealer said he was trying to keep that car from being sold but knowing how many times I've came there and couldn't find a car I liked. Also knowing my dad from High School helped. (Hay, parents are useful after all) I wound up using all of my Tax Refund and borrowed nearly 900 dollars from my parents and grandmother to get it. I can now finally leave small town anytime I want.(given the amount of gas and money I have)

Now that I have a car that can go freeway speeds with no prob, I'm going to spend the weekend helping one of my best friends house sit for his sister. Whenever we are together we both have good time. He knows about me being trans and just doesn't care. He's known me since middle school and always suspected something was different about me. Last time we did it, we didn't have a vehicle to leave the house and now we do. If we need some solid food we can just leave the house a go to a store. I'm going to have so much fun.

I've put my transition on hold for the time being. Now I dress more androgynous. Even when I perceive as male, I get mams and misses a lot. Especially if I shave my face.  I think it might be the jeans. All of my jeans are womens. I've notice they tend to fit better than my male jeans even did. Also the feel of them are much better. More softer.

Lately I've been just hanging out with some of my good cisgendered-straight male friends. Mostly we play Dungeons and Dragons and games equivalent to. Now we are on Skype just voice chatting with each other.
 When they play games I can't play due to not having a fast computer, I'm on a game called MineCraft. It has been a very addictive game for me. I really don't know how to describe it. So I'll put a couple of links at the end of this post.

MineCraft Homepage