Monday, March 14, 2011

Vacation Happenings and My Past Part One (Childhold)

The weekend vacation went very well. Bonnie drove very smoothly and the trip took a little less than an half tank there and back. My friend told me, he really appreciated that I went with him. Especially when one of the animals at his sister's place was being a pain in the ass. He got very mad. I've never seen him so made in all of the years I've seen him. I actually got a little scared from him and I don't get scared from people I'm close to. To make sure he won't do something he would regret latter, I put my calm face and help him to calm down. Besides that, the house sitting was pretty uneventful. My friend got me to really want a game. It's called Just Cause 2. The basic of the game is cause a civil riot in some third world country. It look very fun to play.

 Enough about my vacation I haven't talked about me and my past at all (except for my into.)

Lets see. I started to notice something different about me when I was 6 years old. I could articulate this feeling, It was a sense of different. Living in a small conservative town, I didn't have any information about what this feeling meant. By the time I turned 10, I was borrowing my older sister's cloths. It just felt right that I should be allowed to wear these cloths but after my mom caught me, I hid this obsession. For the next twelve years, this "crossdressing" was a secret I kept to myself Some time after my sixteen birthday, I was watching the discovery channel and a show( I forget what the title of the show was) was on that hit me really hard. I was about a this teen boy around my age that was feeling things I felt every single day. He was depressed all of the time due to being bullied at school for just being himself. latter on in the show, I found out he really wanted to be girl. He dressed in secret, acted a fem. manner and wasn't gay. Just  like me. So I started doing research about what transsexual meant. The farther I was researching, the more I started to understand this feeling of difference I've had all of my life. I stopped the research when my dad found out what was doing on the internet. So sometime my Seventeenth year of life, My dad asked me the question, Do want to be girl? I was so shocked and afraid that he might not love me anymore I said no and stayed in the closet till I was 22 years old.

The next post will be on my two suicide attempts and how I've come out to friends and family.

Now here is a picture of Bonnie

1 comment:

  1. Congratulations on your "Bonnie"!

    Your story is much like mine. I did the research, but there was no Internet back then, so just had to rely on what I could find in the library.

    Calie xx